I had a pretty real conversation tonight with Brittany who waxes my eyebrows at European Wax Center (go see her, you won’t regret it – she is fabulous!) I mean as real as you can get in the 7 minutes it takes her to wax my eyebrows, but she brought up something that really got the wheels turning. She was telling me about an article she read this week discussing expectations and how they can ultimately ruin a relationship, and not just a relationship, but even a friendship, a work relationship with co-workers, or even a relationship with the woman who waxes your eyebrows! Expectations are real and relationships either make it or break it because of expectations.
So with the wheels turning in my head, I decided to reflect on my relationships, mainly on the ones that are important to me and to my happiness. Do I expect too much from people? Do I expect too little? Where do you draw the line with what you expect out of people? When do your expectations become unrealistic? When do they become realistic? Like I said, Brittany really had me thinking tonight. And that’s after working 10 hour work day – you go girl!
I think as I have aged (man, saying that makes me feel really old… lets try this again). I think as I have matured, (so much better) I have adjusted my expectations to be more realistic. I have come to understand that people have lives other than being friends with me (hard to believe, but it was a truth I have come to accept). I understand that if I do not talk to someone for a couple days or even weeks, that we are not in high school anymore, and no one is mad at each other and we are just plain busy! No feelings were hurt because hurting someone was never the intention and realistically, forced conversation is never a good time.
Expectations are something that are established early on in any relationship. If you work with a coworker that is constantly delivering things late or forgetting to respond to emails, you expect to be following up with them days after a report or email went unanswered. But if you are used to another coworker delivering things on time or even early, you become let down the one time they miss a deadline and it will be that one time that sticks out in your mind forever. And is that fair? Absolutely not, but there is something about the human brain that is just triggered to always remember those “one time” situations. We won’t blink twice when not hearing back from the delayed coworker or even question writing a follow up email to them days after something was due, BUT we will feel let down with the coworker that always delivers on time, but runs behind once. And it is that feeling of being let down that will stay will us forever, and in some cases, pave the way for the rest of the relationship.
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I am starting to ramble here and knowing me, I will turn this simple blog post about Brittany’s article on expectations into a 75 page research paper on the study of the human brain. But, the point I am trying to make is that we need to start being conscious of our expectations of people. We need to step back and ask “would I want the same expectations put on me?” and “are these expectations realistic for this person?” Because when we evaluate our expectations of friends, family members, loved ones, and even strangers, we start to become less disappointed and more accepting of the person that they truly are xo
