The word “expectations” scares me and I will be the first to admit that. It scares me because expectations can be so hurtful and deceitful. When you are younger you don’t really understand what expectations are, you just kind of think that everything is perfect and our parents in a way make our world seem like that. We get everything we want at Christmas, we always have food on our table and we really haven’t quite grasped what emotions are.
But expectations hurt us as we grow older and mainly because we go from this perfect little world to a world where people screw us over, lie to us, and pretend to be something they are not. Expectations cause us to put our walls up and become weary of new “friends” or new romances in our life. So the question becomes do our expectations become higher or lower from these negative experiences?
In past dating scenarios, I quickly learned not to go into a first date like a child on her first day of school. But it is so easy for women to start thinking about the future and the possibilities of tomorrow. And that was my first mistake. I was living in a time that did not exist. I was floating around in a bubble that was never going to pop nor ever going anywhere. First dates within themselves bring a TON of expectations. You see a picture and you think “OK this guy seems cool” or you text for a week and tell your girlfriends that you two seem to really hit it off. First dates are something that are a joke. I mean, every couple that I know tells me about their first date and it usually ends with laughter and a lot of mistakes that were made. First dates set the bar high for some or the bar low for others who really are just tried of being a lone. You cannot base your relationship with a person on a first date and you definitely cannot have any expectations either. Doesn’t mean you can’t have standards… that is a totally different topic.
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And the same goes with friends. We meet someone and have this instant attraction and realization that “Hey, I like hanging out with you and we have a great time together. Let’s do this more.” As friendships grow and turn into visions of seeing your “friend” in your wedding down the road, the expectations start to blossom. You begin to want more from your friends and you begin to establish expectations. And vise versa with relationships. When the relationships or friendships take off, that is when you set the page for the future. You set the level of expectations and this is when you decide at what point or if ever will your expectations be met.
I always say that I have high standards, high expectations and that even when they are met, I always want just a little bit more. Some people have shamed me for that, saying that I will never be happy or satisfied. But isn’t life always about wanting more? Wanting something better? It is to me. My expectations define who I am as an individual and they set the tone and the ride of my life. My expectations keep me going. They keep me wanting more and working for more. The failure of others not filling my expectations is not my fault or a bad thing. The failure of others is my way of weeding out those who I do not need around me, because don’t they always say to surround yourself with good people? xo