Over the last couple of months, I have become a big fan of listening to talk shows on the radio. Maybe I like to listen to people’s problems so that I know how good I actually have it, or maybe I am just interested to see if other people are going through the same thing I am… and believe it or not, majority of them are. And I know that is one of the main reasons I started this blog. I wanted it to be real and for it to be a place where people can go to relate. But I caught a caller on Jenny McCarthy’s talk show on Stars on Sirius XM Radio and thought it would be great to share and tie into today’s blog.
The caller was complaining about how she seems to attract the same guy over and over again, and she wanted advice on how to break the habit. Similar to my blog a couple of weeks ago, the caller was doing the same steps and motions for finding a partner, but yet expecting different results each time. And I think we can all relate to that on some level. I was continuously going after the “bad boys,” the men that I knew that would treat me like garbage or the ones that I knew would leave me in tears. The caller couldn’t figure out why time and time again this was happening to her and at one point she blamed it on herself, saying it was who she was as a person. Good grief.
Jenny McCarthy referred to what I was doing, as well as the caller, as taking people’s red flags and bleaching them white. At that point, I realized that I couldn’t of said it better myself. As women we sit across the dinner table on a first date and within minutes, we know red flags when we see or hear them. But as women, we are pleasers and we are fixers. We want to pull a Mother Theresa and make everyone a miracle worker and good person, but we can’t, nor will we ever. But we try and that is the part that leads us to the tears, the gallons of nice ice cream and the not being able to make it through the first 15 minutes of The Notebook without crying.
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It was suggested, and I have recommended this as well, that the caller plan to go out on 30 or so dates over the course of two months. Jenny suggested that during that time, the caller would begin to see the red flags and teach herself how to pick up on them. I am a big supporter of speed dating, hell I wrote a whole blog on it, but the point is, speed dating allows you to see exactly what you want. It allows you to pick out the red flags right away and it allows you to gain a better understanding of yourself and what you are looking for. I always try to tell people who are “looking” for the one, that it won’t happen on your couch. So what does it hurt to grab a drink with someone new? I mean if the opportunity presents itself, do you really just want to sit there and watch it walk away?
These men and their “flaws” are called red flags for a reason, and that reason being for us to run away. You know what is going to happen if you continue talking to this person and if you don’t or you “seem to have forgot”, just call a friend and ask her to recap the last couple months of your life to you with your previous “lover.” When it comes to finding someone to be with, you shouldn’t have to change who they are, you should only want to experience who they are and be apart of everything they have to offer you. And remember the devil may wear Prada, but the assholes always wear red xo