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I wish I could remember what was happening when I clicked “purchase” for Where the Crawdads Sing, written by Delia Owens. I really wish I could recall because I honestly do not know what I was thinking. The first mistake I made was not really observing the title of the book. Wtf are crawdads and why would I ever choose a book with crawdads in the title? The second mistake I made was when purchasing this book I did not listen to a “sample” of a part of the story. Side note: if you’re late joining the game, I do not read books, I listen to books. With that being said, I would have never even considered this book. While the narrator is very “talented” and I say that because I do not think I could properly narrate a whole book, the way she talks was like nails on a chalkboard. Throughout the whole book, the narrator speaks with a deep Southern accent. And when I say ‘deep Southern accent’ I am talking reeeaaallll deep. Like sticks deep. Swamp and marsh deep. That alone is just not my cup of tea. I do not do hillbillies, swamp people, or hicks. Nope. None of that. 

For Audible, the book is 12 hours long, which turns out to be 368 pages. 12 hours is way too long to be listening to a woman talking as if she is back digging into her Southern roots. Now I am all for a good Southern accent. I mean who doesn’t love Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama or Ryan Gosling’s portrayal of Noah Calhoun in The Notebook? A Southern accent, if done correctly can be very sexy. However, there was nothing sexy about a woman saying “yesum” or “grits”. Words were not pronounced correctly and the main character is pretty much a mute, so when she does speak, it makes absolutely zero sense. 

I also was not a fan of the setting. It took place in the early 1960’s deep within the Marsh of North Carolina. The author tries, in every way possible to make the Marsh interesting, but after every time I listened, I just felt dirty, as if I needed a shower. Nobody wants to feel like that walking into work. Nobody. As a reader, you want to try to feel some sort of connection to the main character. Spoiler alert, I couldn’t connect with the “Marsh Girl” mainly because I felt she was dirty. Dirty, illerate, soft spoken, dirty marsh girl. The chance of a connection between me and Marsh Girl, was like lighting fire underwater. Not. Going. To. Happen. I am a jerk, you can say it and I will own it, but it is what it is. 

So the long and the short, I lasted 4.5 hours. Which I felt was an appropriate amount of time to gain creditability to write a review, trash the book, and think about what else I could have been doing during that 4.5 hours. I also would like to add that it took me almost a month to get 4.5 hours done. Where I can usually finish a book that long in about 2 weeks. I had no motivation to finish it, considered stopping 5 minutes in (regret that I didn’t), and am so happy that it is over. This book reminds me of some of my past relationships. I was happy when it was over and gone from my everyday life. It wasn’t there pestering me to pay attention to it and it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders the minute I deleted it off my iPhone. Somethings are better left unfinished and 4.5 hours later, I still do not know what crawdads are. #badread